i'm in a mini funk today, so i guess that means I'm writing on xanga again?

2 month recap:

-went to italy: awesome

-made a little money

-it's damn hot outside. it's too bad because i really want to play outside. like a little kid. give me a squirt gun or a magnifying glass and an ant hill or a waterfall to sit by. i am nature-deficient right now

-my match.com account expired

-my (parents') dog Reina had surgery to remove something stuck in her intestine. she lost 20% of her body weight before it was diagnosed.

-realized that shelly is taking advantage of our good guy team mentality.  i must work on my own and stop training her new recruits for free since she is clearly not compensating me like we thought she would. part of larger trend of  me becoming more "selfish"

-i'm consciously trying to stop feeling guilty for doing what i want to do. trying not to let worries of letting other people down stop me from doing what i want. ex: i was feeling a little sick one day and was considering not going to dodgeball. i hadn't been to dodgeball in 3 weeks because of italia trip and being sick another time. i told anna, "i'd feel guilty for not going," but as soon as i heard that come out of my mouth i realized how stupid i was being. and that answered my dilema of the day. i didnt go to dodgeball.

-dodgeball- i joined a rec dodgeball league! it was so fun. met some new young people and even had one date out of it. we made it to ploayoffs. the season is now over but i have a tshirt to remember it by.

-i'm getting more frustrated going out with Anna and Gaby. Because they have their boyfriends, and both couples are cutesy lovey-dovey. Biggest problem is how lovey-dovey they are when i am the only single person present. it makes me lament my single status more than gag. Because lovey dovey is great when you're in that couple so i wont tell anyone to stop. i think. i hope. depends how much longer i'm forced to sit between two cutesy couples on public outings with noone to commiserate with.

-continued seeing Chad, but usually just on weekends. After bad date with boy from dodgeball I realized I like Chad more. Considering what to do about it. decided to wait a couple weeks for decision because:

-alberto is coming to visit. umm, this may end up being a longer explanation than i want to give it now. we decided to see each other because its been 2 years and we miss each other. we're still great friends. we have no expectations for the visit, and i have no clue what will happen. restarting a long distance relationship is something neither of us wants. we scheduled the visit for october (my brithday and the NM Balloon Fest). But then he IMed me with a surprise- his dad has a business trip in austin and alberto will be coming along, and the trip is the week after July 4th! omg I freaked out a little bit. i wasn't emotionally prepared for his arrival so soon. i've calmed down since first learning about it 2 weeks ago. but i'm still nervous and excited. and i have to avoid chad's calls while Al's in town. hmm...

-i'm feeling romantic fantasy withdrawl. i think i'll start reading twilight and sookie fanfiction again.

sleep well my friends. dream something fantastic and memorable.

I swear it was just January and I was on the verge of greatness. I'm not great yet.

My week's been pretty slow. Biggest news is ITALY. Yep. I'm going in less than a month! Andrew will kindly kick out hoochies for a week so I can drop by. I'm studying italian phrases on my mom's old cassette tapes in my car. And I'm already planning outfits... You guys may not know this, but I hate to look like a typical american when i travel. Looking stylish fights with functional pieces that can actually fit in my suitcase. hmm

I haven't been talking about dating much lately, because not much has happened. I've seen Chad some more, but I'm getting to the point where I don't feel like sharing all the details. If you have questions just call me and ask. Don't worry, though, this week I started talking to some more boys on match. In fact I actually signed into match for the first time in weeks, and discovered that some of the messages in my box were about to be automatically deleted because they are so old! It took me about 2 hours to go through all the messages. This is what I look for:

• age. if the guy is out of my age paramater of 24-29, which is stated on the top of my profile, then i delete.
• location. if the guy lives more than 15 miles from me they are deleted. Just yesterday I got a message from someone in San Antonio requesting to "get to know me better." Sorry I don't do long distance anymore.
• message content. i read the email and look for wit, personality, compliments , and someone who took the time to read my profile. I purposefully put a lot in there so guys have plenty of chances to talk about something in it. Ok I also look at grammer I can't help it, though poor grammer isn't an automatic delete. Example of someone I won't respond to "Your hot. lets talk. -chris"
• picture. are they cute? hot? somewhat fit? I really try to read the message BEFORE studying the picture. That way I don't feel so bad when i superficially delete a guy because he's ugly. I tell myself at least I read his message before dismissing him! And I really am trying to expand my dating opportunities. So an avergae looking guy with a funny message will probably get a reply from me.
• If a guy doesn't pass one of the above tests, and if I have time, I will reply with a canned NO. There's a button that lets Match.com reject a suitor for you, with a generic "no" or you can select the reason behind the rejection- I have no shame when it comes to using the age and location reasons. They are justifiable and hopefully will not hurt a guy's feelings. 32 year old who lives 2 hours away in houston? why do you try? If a boy had a very cute message but I still dont like him, sometimes I will write a personal, sweet rejection.
• Of all the messages remaining, I look at the guys' profiles. Ocassionally what I find inside will eliminate the boy as well. Like his main profile picture (which was attached to his email message) looks nothing like the ugly pictures in his profile. Or maybe he's a religious zealot and racist. Little things. yea.
• I use what information I see in a boy's profile and in his email to write a response. I try to match the length of his message and include at least one leading question about him so he has a reason to respond. And o lord I try to be cute or witty. It can be exhausting coming up with so many different witticisms.
• Then of course I try to exchange several emails before giving my phone number out. I haven't found a right time for this, it just happens.

There are several other ways to search for my perfect match, but as you can see just reponding to the emails is enough to be a part time job. Especially if I want to do it right- why be on match if I don't take advantage of it? And why don't I give the boys a fair chance? Many girls don't even respond with a "no" and the boys are left wondering. thats not fair. Maybe next time I'll save some of the bad emails and post them here for your enjoyment. Do you want to see my profile? A couple people were curious about what I put in it. You also may be able to search for me without creating an account.

a friend posted this video on facebook and I have to share. about 200 people put on a surprise performance in the antwerp train station. This is totally something I would have participated in! if you haven't seen it already:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EYAUazLI9k

Last saturday was a bad day. nothing bad happened to me, but it was still bad. April 4th was my anniversary with Alberto.

The day started when I woke up in Chad's bed. I had to leave early to get ready to go to Lampasas for Daniel's party (mentioned in a previous post). Looking back I'm glad we didn't have sex that morning- i feel like it would be a dishonor to do that with someone else on the day that I still associate so strongly with good, sad memories of alberto. Although I didn't make a conscious decision not to sleep with Chad on the 4th, it just happened that way because of my early departure. I spent most of the day with family, so fortunately I didn't think about the date's significance very much. Though I did purposely avoid calling alberto or answering any of his calls to me that day (he didnt call)- just in case he would put too much weight on the days meaning. He was always sentimental about dates. I found out later in the week that two of my friends, in different cities, broke up with their boyfriends on that day. Why such an unlucky day for them?

i do miss alberto